I must admit I thought the Kardashians would be winding down by now. Then I read they just made a deal for $100M with E Channel to continue their shenanigans. Kris and her five daughters. And baby appearances. And a husband or two.
I've never watched the show, but know enough, how can you not? It seems they've covered every aspect of Reality TV life in all its delight. Will they go to the moon? It's not implausible. The Kardashian Brand is frankly, out of this world.
As I mentioned before I have nothing but respect for Kim because she set out to be the biggest reality star in the world and achieved her goal. I outlined the steps here. Everyone else came along for the ride, including Kris, who then, well momager.
My daughters often ask why her, how and exactly. None of Kim's accomplishments and milestones were accidents.
I understand they have legions of fans, and I also kind of understand why. This idea of watching the rich and famous is nothing new, for many people watching media "gods" allows them to believe that they too can also achieve fame and status by doing what seems very little. Celebrity culture plays into peoples innate tendencies; they become acquaintances ripe for gossip and somehow summon people's most basic human yearnings: to love, admire, copy, jeer, and so on.
When you throw reality stars into the mix, viewers are witnessing ordinary (or so they think) folks being transformed into household names, powerful, rich, and playing out fantasies many people believe are now obtainable.
You mean you don't even have to have a skill?
Kim Kardashian succeeded at pulling people into her gravitational field better than anyone, because she is relatable and likable. Despite her seemingly insane antics, people worship her because she worries about ordinary things like her weight, appearance, skin, fashion, men, family, work, motherhood. And she makes mistakes. She's just like us.
Except she isn't as I explained in my above post. Unless you have a wealthy, notorious daddy and went to an elementary school with the likes of Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie, becoming KK will take much longer for the average gal. As if ever.
So, for $100M, since there is very little left in the world for her and clan to do, and there is scant shock value left, I say put them on a remote island, like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Take all the sisters, with only the Chanel clothes on their back, dump them in the South Pacific, an island no one has yet discovered, and see how they do.
If you were to just take away their money and put them in say, Monowi, Nebraska, population, one, pretty soon a bunch of people from neighboring Crofton would come and help them out.
So it has to be so far, far away, off radar; better yet a no-fly zone. There would be a small crew, a camera operator and sound engineer.
The entire show is their survival and trying to figure out how to get off the island. We might eventually get a dystopian world and would the leader be Kris? I actually don't think so. I think it would be Kim.
She would get the conch shell but it would be coconut.
Kim: I'm in charge of all the coconut trees. The oil is great for my hair, skin, teeth, cuticles, areoles.
Kendall: Is it injectable?
Kylie: That's hardly fair. I need moisturizing constantly. I'm a model!
Kris: We all get coconuts. You girls might not know this but cradle cap and it's better than butter.
Kim: I think there's 100 good uses for coconut oil.
(I just Googled and it came up five million times! This Tiffany knows her stuff.)
BUT...Before they can even set up a society of who controls what...
How long before Kim cracks because no selfies?
Will we find out who Kris really is? If not drinking and shopping, what's a mother to do? How are they going to feed all those babies? What will happen to their faces without constant maintenance? How will they spend their time? Will they turn on each other? Will they come together and realize they are human?
People's true nature comes out under dire circumstances. What if home audiences had to bet on who got off the island alive? Why not bring a little Hunger Games into their world? Who will be our Katniss?
Imagine the possibilities. They fight and argue over nail polish color in their actual show. Would it come to fisticuffs when they were down to the last banana? Are we talking cannibalism? How far would they go? How long before they realize "camera time" is not a priority? That the crew can't help them at all. (They would have their own quarters. No need for the crew to suffer.)
Watching them struggle for real, like, having to kill a tiger, decapitate a pig, start a fire, stab a few crabs to death, try to wriggle their way into the crew's little world. That would be entertaining.
Someone could possible die of starvation. Another might drown. But who will succeed at building the boat... and have that Tom Hanks brainy intuition with timing his get-away just right?
Wearing nothing but a fig leaf would finally make sense. ^ ^ ^ Oh... sorry Jim.
Island life under the best of circumstances is incredibly difficult.
It's near impossible to crack a coconut. I once tried for three hours and no success. I slammed it against a tree, banged it with rocks, threw it at a cave, called it an asshole. I also almost drown in two inches of water because I was slammed by a heavy wave.
I really think I'm onto something here. This could possibly get the highest ratings ever in reality TV. I would watch it. So in addition to the faithful gazillions, you would have all of us who don't give much thought to the family.
But give me a good survival story, five girls fighting for their life, a mother who will probably go postal. That's entertainment.
Kim: Well, I am getting off the island by next week. I need to strut around New York in Kayne's panty hose.
Khloe: The babies come first! They can't survive on bananas alone. Jeez Kimmie.
Kourtney: She's right. Think of the children.
Kim: I am. North is my true North. You all know that.
Kris: If we can't build a raft out of twigs and barley and sand and bark and create some kind of flotation device we'll use Kim because she's the best swimmer. She can get at least one of us to somewhere.
Rhonda Talbot weighing in on The Kardashians, the best E show ever, reality TV, island survival, bare essentials, coconut oil, celebrities, living the dream, edge of your seat entertainment.