Saturday, January 12, 2013

School Days - NOT







I'm certain my kids go to school about 15 days a year. I should probably sit down with a calculator, but it seems unnecessary since they are home seemingly everyday. After a very looooong holiday break, I thought, great. Kids back in school, hit the books, learn a few things. My time is more expansive, finish a stack of projects, maybe even see a friend or get a facial.

As soon as the kids got back into their routine and completed a week of school, I opened one of the 25 email weekly updates that come from the school. I rarely open them. I did this one because it was in bold. Hmmm.

Here is what I see:


January

14       Safety Meeting for all Families   School closed

This safety meeting was news to me. First, I thought the school was not going to bring up anything regarding the events that took place in CT.  Second, now I will have to attend to see exactly what they are telling my kids. One of my daughters has recently developed a whole loaf of new fears. We might get hit by a tsunami, therefore she suddenly never wants to go to the beach. Also if we were to be hit with such a wave, surely a shark will ride all the way to our house and eat her animals. Shark attack!



The moon might fall out of the sky, a comet could hit at any time, we could have another Noah's flood but there is no Noah to help us, I could spontaneously combust walking down the street leaving her motherless, a mean ghost might decide to take up residency in her bedroom, therefore she no longer sleeps there. She sleeps at the foot of my bed. The planet might run out of water, oxygen, food. The polar caps might be melting faster than we think and we will all soon be underwater. 

My girls love to read factual books. E happens to read them too much. Even if there is 00001% chance of a tsunami hitting Los Angeles, it could happen. It goes on and on. 

So far, with the unspeakable acts regarding CT, she has not shown much concern. She knows bad things happen and there are bad people. But now, if the school starts teaching them to hide under desks, run for cover, and so on, I fear this is all she will think about. Sitting at her desk, not paying attention but instead, staring out the windows, glancing at the door, listening for unusual sounds. I know her very well.  I just have no answers yet.

She may never go to school again. Not that it matters because it's apparently never open for business.

21        Martin Luther King Jr, Day—School closed

21-25   National No Name Calling Week

BTW:  There is only ONE WEEK of No Name calling, so I'll assume here, the rest of the year anything goes.

Marnie: Hey Bob. You're a jackass.
Bob: Shut your face slimeball.
Marnie: Your mom.
Bob: Well your mom is shaped like fungus. And you're stupid.



February
8          Coffee with Bitsy and Heidi.   School Closed WHO? And why is the school closed? Is this an all day coffee thing? What?
15        Lunar New Year  - School Closed   Why? Did parents request this? Will they be lunar gazing all day and night? Why not go to school, learn about the Lunar New Year, then later have a glimpse of the moon after dinner. It will still be there.
18        President’s Day—School Closed
20        Deadline to apply for 2013-14   School Closed   Here I will assume because we all need huge amounts of time to deal with this. And we need the kids home to help us fill out a half-page form.



March
5          Exam prep   School Closed   Naturally. Because certain parents are so freaked out their kids might not get into Harvard, they need to spend a full day and thousands of dollars to guide their child for the upcoming one hour test.
8-9       Run For Fun Money  School Closed  Yes fundraisers are important, but two days of running?
11        Staff Grading Day  School Closed  I've never understood this.  Can't they work on the weekend like the rest of us?
18-22   Parents Conference Week  (Short days—11:00 Dismissal) This may as well as say School Closed given school starts at 9:00. They don't even give them lunch!

Oh... then here we go. School Closed for TWO WEEKS and change.




25-31   Spring Break—No classes

April
1-5       Spring Break continuesNo classes
8          School resumes   Thank god!  But No!
10        Student assessment day   No classes   Shouldn't the student be there if an assessment is taking place?

I had to close the email. Can you imagine if it snowed in LA? As is, the only month left was partial May. When you break it down, the kids will actually be in school from now until mid April for about one full week. Then of course a month later the School Closes for the summer.


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