Dear NRA members
We, The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A.), are all
getting sick and tired of your stale arguments regarding your right to “bear
arms.” Back in 1791, because there was
no National Guard and a lack of trained soldiers, the government deemed the 2nd
Amendment worthy; that is to protect people from thieves, bandits, Native
Americans and slave insurrection. The
government also wanted to remind the rest of the world the U.S. was well armed,
dang it, so don’t even think about messing with us.
But we are also talking loaded muskets and not assault
weapons that have no place in our present, civilized country. Not to mention
the ideology behind the 2nd Amendment is outdated by a few hundred years.
We now have a nearly impenetrable U.S. military and
outstanding National Guard. There is simply no need for local militias. We
understand you are still sore about our giving rights to minorities, but we
have a plan for that.
We know you are made up primarily of good old white boys
that have spent more time at the gun range than at school, and feel naked
without your guns. We are not unsympathetic to this need. We understand you
will do nearly anything to preserve your right to “bear arms” even though many
of you have no idea what that actually means. And it seems the more it’s
threatened, the more noise you make.
Let’s not forget it was you, the NRA, that backed the first
major federal gun regulation, the 1934 National Firearms Act, which was upheld
by the Supreme Court.
In essence, it states, the 2nd Amendment did not
protect the right of individuals to possess guns for private purpose.
Instead, it was restricted to the keeping and bearing of arms by the people
collectively for their common defense and security. (General Robert Jackson.)
As time wore on, this was not good enough for gun lovers.
Clearly there would be no need for a militia, so you wanted the reigns
loosened, the wording adjusted just so-- to give the illusion to all Americans
they are being cheated of their gun rights.
You wanted the “false” right back to “bear arms” under any
circumstances. And you had enough supporters and money to start making this
happen.
Timing is everything. Hello 1970! You, the NRA, and millions of conservatives,
saw an opportunity to shrewdly piggyback on the minority and women’s rights
movements.
You start screaming: “Hey, we have rights too! Protected by the US
Constitution no less! If you are going to start making new amendments, let’s
revisit this one!”
You then created a giant lobby and publicity apparatus to spread
this new doctrine. During all this
politicking, Chief Justice Warren Burger said that the 2nd Amendment
“has been the subject of one of the greatest pieces of fraud—repeat fraud,
on the American public by special interests groups that I have ever seen in my
lifetime.”
Sadly Burger had retired by then and you were in full force,
with a mighty mission. Get that message out there---“Americans! You have the right to carry guns! Don’t let
the government tell you otherwise!”
It matters not to you that technology has changed to such a
degree people assume they can own a cache of military weapons for no reason at
all. We are certain our forefathers did not intend to give everyone a warm gun
to take wherever they pleased: shopping malls, Tupperware parties, weddings,
single mixers, churches, parks, and so on.
Given you have deaf ears when it comes to any rational
discussions and in fact offer up a solution suggesting what this country really
needs are more guns, the E.S.A has come up with a finely executed proposal.
Let’s not forget you are still terribly disappointed
regarding the $19M dollars you spent on this election to no avail. Your
solution? Stockpile more guns for fear of government take over. Not to mention after every massacre, you all
make a run on guns, so we assume you are fully equipped and ready to fight.
Therefore the E.S.A has a plan of action where everyone
wins.
1)
Keep your assault weapons, automatic rifles,
pistols, handguns, and hunting rifles and leave the US. You clearly think it
isn’t safe, so leave. What you need is a war. In war, you can sling as
many ammo magazines around your waist as deemed necessary. We suggest you go as
mercenaries. This way, you are helping people and countries in dire need
of protection. Many of you contend,
“We are a peaceful bunch,” therefore it should be your obligation to render
said peace around the world where wars are taking place right now. There are
plenty of opportunities. To name a few, Darfur, Libya, Somalia, Republic of
Congo, Nigeria, and Mali.
2)
We have great confidence in your marksmanship
skills. Most of you boast about this incessantly. Time to put those skills to good use.
3)
Many of you also don’t believe in paying taxes.
And many of you are in jail for killing someone with a gun. Imagine the money
the US will save by not having to support your sorry existence in the US, not
to mention the enormous savings regarding correctional facilities. Plus we can cut back on Defense Spending
knowing we can call on you at any time. We can put that financial surplus to
more important things such as education, energy sources, clean air, mental
health, scientific research, Social Security, Medicaid, homelessness, health
coverage, parks, the arts, transportation, deficit reduction, an endless list
of ways to improve the quality of life in the US.
4)
Given the peculiar high rate of obesity among
you, another huge savings for the US would be in health care costs and food
alone. A large majority of you does not have your own health insurance either. So
the government is picking up the tab on that one. We will provide you with
proper nutrition classes, physical training courses and meditation seminars free
of charge.
5)
Imagine having your own all-white male fraternity!
What could be more fun? In your units, you won’t have to deal with any people
of color, differing religions since you are all mainly Christian, and we will
provide you with as much beer and Playboy magazines as you would like. In your
down time, you are free to discuss how Suddam Hussein was responsible for 9/11
and dinosaurs roamed the planet a few years ago with great enthusiasm and no
counter opinions. There will be no age limit in this proposal. A 65-year old
man with an assault weapon can come in very handy when a village is under
attack.
6)
For services rendered, the longer you stay away
and protect other countries from harm, the more you will benefit. During your
service, you will earn American dollars, though you will be required to pay
tax; you will receive a free college education upon return; you will have
access to health insurance. There will only be one condition upon return; you
will be required to hand in your weapons. If you find this impossible, then you
don’t return. We understand the financial compensation will not come
close to the amount of money you earn through kickbacks on gun sales, but after
you’ve seen the reality of war, you may decide to settle for a little less.
7)
If you
happen to die while on active duty, we will pry your rifle from your “cold,
dead hands” but anoint you a hero in the line of action.
Sincerely
Citizens of the Enlightened States of America.
Below is from NRA anon member:
The Nanny Statists are on the war path, here in the United States. While their incessant calls for a ban on semi-auto firearms will probably fail, I predict that a bipartisan compromise in Congress will result in a new ban on full capacity magazines. This renewal of the 1994 to 2004 ban will likely have a grandfather clause, but no sunset clause. So TODAY is the day to do your best to round out your family's multi-generational supply of magazines. Even if you' don't already own an AR-15 or and AK-47, buy a dozen magazines for each. And for all of the guns in your battery that can accept 11+ round magazines, consider six magazines per gun to be a bare minimum, and 20 per gun to be a comfort level. Do not hesitate on this, folks.Prices are likely to gallop, once the details of Senator Feinstein's ban bill are announced! And even if common sense prevails in congress, at a minimum we can still expect an executive order that will ban the importation of 11+ round magazines. So this makes buying magazines for your foreign-made rifles (AK, FN PS-90, FN-FAL, FNAR, Galil, HK, etc.) or handguns (Beretta, FN, Glock, HK, SIG, etc.) your highest priority.
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