Friday, April 12, 2013

Coachella 2013, Me, Safari tents and Lindsey Lohan

I wasn't going to attend Coachella this year since last year was kind of a bust.  I'm glad I was able to help the P'urhepecha peoples, but this time I wanted to go and listen to some music.  After reading the line up of bands I'd never heard of and questioned their overall band name picking ability, okay, I mean, Baauuueer?  Why not just Baur? Why the need to lengthen his name?  He looks insecure to me.

I think all of us are speculating the same thing here.  And El_P?   Is that code for album? Seriously?

Quick, what did you just eat and what are the color of the pants you're wearing? Now that's your band name. I read that on twitter. Mine is White Salmon. It's catchy.

Here is why I decided to make the journey. Scrolling through, I saw The Red Hot Chili Peppers,

(still hot)  >>

Moby, Nick Cave, XX, The Neighborhood, and in honor of my 10 yr old daughters, The Yeah Yeahs.

I did notice a bunch of punk bands from the 90's. I didn't like them then, don't like them now. So, will miss those sets.  I also looked up a few bands that sounded exactly like these punk 90's bands except the musicians are kids. So, is punk back? And when did that happen?

Only good punk>>>>>>>>

Of course Bad Religion, Clash, The Ramones. But I kind of love Steve Jones, have known him peripherally for many years, (he's a great guy but probably couldn't pick me out in a tiny crowd) and it was great fun watching him play himself on Californication.

I didn't want to stay at the Native American reservation and most of the hotels are too far, so imagine my delight when I learned this awesome tent Safari was still available. I would never have to leave the grounds, deal with traffic, walk in the heat, or worry about cell coverage.

The fully furnished glam camp is air-conditioned, has a full bath, stocked kitchen, dining room, a "tricked out" golf car-- say if you want your own piano delivered which I'm not canceling out, around the clock attendants,  wi-fi, shuttle service, thank god, place is HUGE, your own personal concierge, breakfast buffet, daily snacks and even games, whatever that means.

Maybe we play hacky sack between shows.

But here's the real reason. You get backstage access to where the artists hang out. They have their own little village. So if I want to talk to Keith Richards (is he going?) then I can. We met in passing 15 years ago so I'm sure he will be delighted to chat. Don't these folks look kind? I can get lonely in desert-like places, but now I'm not worried.

Plus now I will have people I can do the Touch the Sky dance with. I want to try the Twirly Bird too! Excited!

Not to mention a free ride to all the "cool" parties, and I have wristbands for them all. So yeah. Lindsey Lohan will probably want to steal one or tag alone, but I have to keep within the rules. Sorry, Linz.

The price for the tent, gas, and my Whole Foods visit before I arrive: $9000.00
The lies I can tell my friends about who I slept with?: Priceless.

When Lindsey Lohan heard I took the tent, she called me.

Lindsey:  Hey Rhonda. I'm going to Coachella, you know, kind of a last party before rehab.
Me: Oh, I totally get that. I had a couple of hot flings before I got married.
Lindsey:  Do you mind if I crash in your Safari? I have a room, but it's off the grounds. You have the best tent. Paul McCartney stayed there once.
Me: Well, I don't want to enable you.  You can't be coming here all passed out.
Lindsey: I promise I won't. I'll sober up first.
Me: Okay. And no way can Dina come. Just ew.
Lindsey: Promise. Thanks!  You rock.

I like Lindsey. I'm going to have her do the housekeeping in return for the free stay, even though a clean staff comes with the place. But I think it will be a good way to prepare her for rehab.

Everything is set and I had my daughter sew some colorful Marc Jacobs fabric together we picked up at Mood. I modeled in the backyard and the girls gave me a thumbs up.

I'm going to look pretty smoking because I also brought carnations to drape across my chest for those super hot days.

Sure, she might be a few years younger, but then who would be looking at my face. And also I think a lot of people take drugs there, so for all they know I could be a plant.

And by the end of the weekend, maybe I will have learned who the hell Father John Misty is.

Will leave you with this to get you in the groove. The live one is great. I can't figure out how to remove the other. Maybe I will meet a great IT guy in Coachella. Bye y'all.


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