Wednesday, July 3, 2013

No Kim Kardashian, Okay Jennifer Aniston, No Chanel, Maybe Prada

I adore Eva Mendes. I could pull off the Prada bra...

...but not this dress. ^ ^ ^ ^ ^  Only Eva can.

My girls, now 10, have taken a big interest in my appearance. For some reason, they think I should wear Prada. I'm certain they don't know what Prada is. And they also think I should never wear Chanel, again, they have no idea. But I made a mistake, which will follow.

We can't continue however without a gratuitous picture of my beloved Ryan Gosling though I will say I am thrilled Eva is the woman for him.

I'm currently staying in this great house ^ ^ ^ ^ where Ryan lived for a bit while shooting Gangster Squad. So there's that.

Back on point--For many years I have gotten away with wearing my pajama bottoms to school events, a filthy nightshirt for quick trips to the village, a large button down dress shirt and flats, well anywhere.

BTW, I look exactly like her ^^^ but those days are OVER!

I can no longer be seen in public with the girls and am not allowed to get out of the car during drop offs. If I must talk to someone, they give me hand written dialogue, then read it aloud so I won't get it wrong.

E: Say exactly this.-- Hello. I am E and A's mom. I will pick them up at 3:00 p.m. SHARP and won't  be late. Good bye.

Because they loath my clothes, and my hair, they gathered a few magazines to introduce style tips. When pulling out pages, Jennifer Aniston, and nearly everything she ever wears, appears in the "YES" stack.

So does Rosie Huntington -Whiteley.

E: She is so awesome. There's so many pictures with her dogs! She loves animals just like us.

They particularly loved this outfit for me. Hey, so do I. For 3 grand.

A: We also love how she hangs out with her dad and little sister. ^ ^ ^ ^
E: We'll take dad to the beach too when were old.

My kids adore their father so this picture meant a lot to them.

Dad can do no wrong, and I know we mothers take a lot of heat. But truthfully, I'm telling myself this will provide a solid foundation for them as they grow into young women and begin evaluating men. It will take quite the man to live up to their father. I mean he created a zoo in our backyard for god sakes. Last count 25 animals.

During my physical yesterday I was asking all the nurses about the mother/daughter thing.

Nurse 1: Oh, god. Mine were the worst. They told me my skin looked diseased, like Shingles.  They cut up my capris.
Nurse 2: That's nothing. My daughters called me a sweat hog and said I was to blame for any cellulite or blemishes they had.
Nurse 1: Don't worry, Rhonda. You're situation sounds normal. Dads get all the props.

We all seemed to act the same. Don't react. Then we all reflected on how horrible we treated our own mothers. We shuttered in unison.

House of Pies:

Me: Hey girls, look it's Brittany. Isn't she a good friend from school? Hi Britt!
Girls: Mom! Shut up. You're talking too loud. Oh my god. Did you just say Britt!? She's not our friend.
Me: I thought you were friends.
Girls: Shush! She's a plastic. Just be quiet!!
Girls are now hiding under the booth.
Girls: (whispering) You have a stupid stain on your shirt. Cover it.

The adolescent years are tough, particularly with mother/daughters, but I stumbled on these quick tips if you would like them.  I had a starter child, but a son, and honestly I could've worn leather stage pants and a cone bra and he would not have noticed. I really am in the dark here. Nonetheless there is a lot of information available; articles, books, etc.

Psychologist Evelyn Bassoff reminds: It's the parent part of you, not the human part, that your daughter is pushing away.  

Their big task at the moment is to develop a strong, separate identity away from me; generally mom is first then dad. The girls are trying to develop relationships and "look cool" to their peers, which is incredibly difficult if MOM is wearing hideous, out-dated clothes or telling lame jokes.  This is harder actually for the kids since I know they must feel guilty in the pushing away process.  This explains why both my daughters love to cuddle in bed and channel flip when no one is looking.

My own tips if you are interested:

*It's not personal. Do no make her feel bad about any rejection coming your way.
*Is it that big of a deal if she wants to style your hair into the Bride of Frankenstein or ask you to wear a Maxi-skirt with elephants on it? No. If anyone thought I looked insane wearing jammies to Ralph's, well, by the time the girls are done with me, that jammy look is positively glamorous.
*Reinforce her own reality. Validate her. I say, and often, "I know I embarrass you when I try to be funny with your friends, so I'll make an effort to stop."  This is huge for my kids.

They DO NOT think I'm funny, ever. And I actually think I am. I mean, that by itself is weird. Why do I think I'm so funny? I entertain myself all day long. But, hey, I'm the parent. I'll try to be funny with adults. It won't mess up their childhood cause, well, they're already adults.

As an aside, sometimes if you intuit this is a deeper issue, by all means, seek out help. But in most cases, it's normal adolescence. And healthy. And necessary.

Back to fashion. They shoved this NO stack in my face. I have no opinion on Kim Kardashian on an level, but the girls chose her as the "NEVER wear anything like this" pile of outfits. There were many images, but this should suffice; it covers the entire problem. Big no on-- shorts, vests, big buttons, plaid, and heels.

The girls are clueless who any of these people are and they also have no interest in fashion, or "girly" things, but are strictly doing this so I will appear to be "normal," to lessen their horrification of my existence.

I was recently gifted a lovely Chanel polka dot dress. I threw it on with some strappy sandals  and was set for my day. They were outraged.

A: Mom, please take shit off! You are too old to wear polka dots. We are too old to wear polka dots. Dots are for babies. Just gross.
E: That is seriously awkward. Give it to someone in need.
A: Also fix your hair.  We have some examples.

Of course they do. Scarlett Johansson never disappoints. They have brought her up many times before. She's become my go- to- girl with my hairdresser.

The girls have been putting together their own outfits for years. I just pay. And now Eve is designing and sewing. I should mention Mood is an amazing place, yes they have the best fabrics on earth, but because they offer free classes for children and adults, provide sewing machines, instructions, all of it. Not sure if it's on their website but I really encourage anyone with in interest in DYI fashion to check it out.

Eve designing a shirt dress.

It's a fantastic place. And not just because Project Runway uses them. I'm in love with Mood.

It's an exciting time in their young lives because 10 is really just a cover for 14. They are both very curious what in the heck goes on in High School. They think, sure, academics, but really it's Veronica and Archie and girls running around with heart bubbles and saying things like "Oh No She Di-ent." Everyone has a skateboard and a surfboard.

They are relieved I now have a few outfits I can throw on when we are in public and also a few I can wear when I go out on date night. Even though sometimes I want to freak them out just to see what happens.

Just because I know you are wondering what I am wearing, this is the ensemble they threw on me today.

And this is their kind of style, well, on certain days, give or take a beanie.

I asked them if they would ever allow me to wear polka dots.

E: Maybe this. And only if you're going to like an opera or something.
A: And only if you have the dog with you. That all works. Even the flippy hair would look good on you.
E: But just wear one glove.

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