Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Miley Cyrus, Blurred Edges, Fame and No.

Here I am once again so late to the party that not only has this Miley Cyrus/Robin Thicke twerking thing passed but apparently she was engaged then not engaged to some famous guy I never heard of--Liam Hemsworth. I had to look him up.  Honestly, could this get more complicated? He is the younger brother of two other famous actors I never heard of, Chris and Luke; an Australian trio of young lads who found their way to Los Angeles.

Of the three brothers, I’m slightly embarrassed by my ignorance regarding Chris Hemsworth.  He starred in Thor! Avengers! Snow White and the Huntsman!  Didn’t see any of them. But I did see Cabin in the Woods! But I can’t recall since everyone was usually covered in blood and died.

Chris, on the surface, seems really great. He built this massive career, is making a fortune, has a new baby girl and is helping his brothers out.

I can’t place Liam. I did see Hunger Games on DVD but don’t remember this guy. Or any guys. I only remember Jennifer Lawrence, hoping this role would not in any way damage her perfect career choices. It did not. I love her.

Star. Talented. Brilliant. ^ ^ ^ ^   

In any case I always have to ask my kids what the fuss is regarding any matters of pop culture. 

Though I don't want this, like an unstoppable flood, media gossip spills off the mag racks, into the street and finally into our house. 

I haven’t watched the VMA’s since Kurt Cobain was carried onto stage to get his prize. And I think it was called MTV awards.

I remember Hannah Montana because it was a TV show that I wouldn’t let my kids watch. Though many of their friends did, it seemed too mature and well, ridiculous for them. A sweet girl that no one noticed who morphs into a sexy rock star at night and everyone notices. Not a message I liked.

So they really only know Miley as this:

E:  We used to like her. We don’t like her now. She's gross and just wants attention.
A:  People try to act like her at school. Gross. As singers go, we like Adele.

They have no clue who Robin Thicke is, and I actually thought this whole controversy was about Alan Thicke, an actor I vaguely remember for being on a TV show that centered around kids. But I never saw the show.  My only recollection of Alan is a friend of mine dated him the 90s’.

I actually thought this old man was twerking on stage with a naked Miley Cyrus. Yuck.

Okay, I get it, he has a kid, Robin. So, then I thought the controversy had to do with two girls making out on stage ala Madonna and Britney. No. Robin is a dude.

As a parent, you kind of need to stay slightly aware of current pop culture, because this is what may or may not be influencing your children.

Fortunately my girls don’t like anyone who is famous for being famous, don’t like girls who prance around in panties while they sing, seem to understand that it’s all for attention and finally they have great taste in music.

They would much rather listen to Lenka, The Rolling Stones and Imagine Dragons than Miley, Taylor Swift or Justin Beiber who they seem to actually loath. They do like Lady Gaga.

E: She’s seems like a pop star but is more than a pop star, has a great voice, always changing. We get she has to be over the top to stay relevant but she’s really talented. The rest are not.
A:  Plus her videos are totes mad. Taylor Swift dresses okay but her music is boring.

They love her new song Applause and I let them listen to it because she's 100 women in one, essentially lets the world know she is in on the "pop" culture joke and she's also a great singer. However, I don't let them watch that particular video.

So I finally looked at the Miley Cyrus Alan Thick Blurred Lines Video.  When I found out the song was called Blurred Lines, I felt tremendous relief because I see that phrase trending constantly and thought it had to do with fancy eyewear, like Prada announcing new lenses for people suffering from Blurred Lines.

Oh but wait! First I looked at the Robin Thicke video. How does this pass for a song? A really horrific version of an old Michael Jackson, maybe Prince track filled with offensive lyrics and naked girls strutting around suggestively in high heeled sneakers, yanking on goats and foam fingers.  I thought I had stumbled upon the porn section of You Tube. 

Robin seemed kind enough, I can see it in  his ocean blue eyes. But what the heck? This is nothing more than a continuance that "good girls" just need to be freed up with drugs and booze to get their wild sexy on.

-I know you want it
I hate them lines
I know you want it
But you're a good girl
The way you grab me
Must wanna get nasty
Go ahead, get at me-

Do men still really believe this? The old "Catholic girls are animals in bed" bullsh** once someone plies them with booze and rips off their school vest? God help us.

Then I look at Blurred Lines with Miley Cyrus. She did nothing more than throw in her twerk obsession, because you know, Miley wants the world to understand she is down with rap. 

And when will white performers stop reducing black music to twerking, grills and bitches?

How is this a number one song? Combine Thicke's archaic idea that girls really "want it" with white female musicians trying to appropriate black music through the crudest of ways made me wish I hadn't seen this at all.  

Miley naturally had to outdo the Thicke video, so she heightened the suggestive foam finger routine. At least she kept her bra on. But of course it got worse... bring out Pharrell, whoever that is:

-Nothing like that last guy
He too square for you
He won't smack that ass or tear that hair for you-

It gets worse, but you get the idea. I'm sure you've already seen this nonsense passing for entertainment.  As said, way behind pop curve.

This is also not new. MTV has been swarming with girls wearing thongs in porn videos celebrating drugs and sex as long as I can remember. But, like everything, the envelope is constantly being thrust onto an ever increasing blurry edge. When Alanis Morissette walked the subways nude, she did this to make a point. 

Now there is no point, except pure exploitation. I suspect the next big You Tube hit will be Miley singing nude while being passed around by the Duck Dynasty. 

Miley was surprised by the commotion but this is not her fault. Music companies push kids to do exactly what the song is saying.  "You want to be the next Madonna? Outdo her. Now."

I mean, look at Justin Bieber. What happened to this cute kid?

Music executives. "Okay, Justin. You can drop the sweet boy from Canada thing. This is America. We can keep you at the top of the charts. Act like a thug."

Never in my young life did I contemplate putting on skimpy underpants and high heels to go shopping on Melrose. But times have changed. I don't know if girls think this is liberating or mandatory. So I consult the twins.

E: It's disgusting. Those girls just want attention like the plastics at school but with a bigger audience. They want fame.
A: Just no.

The girls don't have access to the internet but they hear stuff at school. They see pictures. They know all about twerking. They also love to dance. We have dance parties in the living room. It's fun.  

Me: What is twerking?
E: Oh sick. Mom, don’t ever try that. It's disturbing. Plus, you’ll break your back.
A: It's so eeewww!
Me: I’m giving it a go. 

Both girls screamed!

I tried to do a handstand against the wall which I’ve done countless times in yoga.  How hard could it be? Then add a slight pelvic tilt, which btw, I do in my cardio barre classes anyway. I tried to combine this but my wrists collapsed. Yeah, not a pretty sight.

I probably should have taken off my shoes.

E: Mom, don’t do that anymore. It’s not for old people. Also anyone can do it. But why? It's stupid.
A: So lame. It’s all lame.

Rhonda Talbot reporting on Miley Cyrus and twerking.

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